Real Life

I know I haven't been posting more than once a week, but something happened today that is surprisingly more exciting than a pillowcase that opens sideways. I'll spare the details for the more squeamish audience members, but the short story is that I was poking around at what I thought was a fly bite, and I managed to pop out this bugger:

Yes, it was alive. Yes, it started wriggling and growing to about a centimeter once it was on the ground. Yes, it left a millimeter-sized hole above my right butt cheek. (Look at all these metric units! Soon I'll be measuring distances by actual distance instead of time, amirite?) After my initial yelp of fright, I started laughing out of pure shock, much like the time I got a $200 speeding ticket. However, I have since been having PTSD flashbacks of The Birth, and I will now have to sleep with a nightlight. Turns out these worms come from dogs and the beach, so as long as I stay away from sand during my entire year in this coastal city, I should be fine.

On the plus side, this incident has now brought me a new friend. I've now seen the same doctor three times in one week for green onion-induced heartburn, a leg infection from a spinning class gone wrong, and a baby blood-sucking parasite. When he left today, he said, "See you in 15 days." I expect a dinner invitation within the week.